Unfocused and Out of Film

You know how some artists have that one point where they just become maddening and lose most sense with reality, wandering depraved? I feel like that and I am by no means an artist or near that point as of so far in life. Where do people justify their lives? Is everybody else not putting enough thought into the concept or is that just me? I feel that what we are all experiencing is depravity, a sense of despair which is made sustainable through the usage of debt and possession. It's not that I am immune from these things, but more trapped by my former desire of such things, like so many others. If I could, I would have never went to college, gotten those credit cards, went to college (again), overdrafted, and spent every penny I have on an institution that I care nothing about for a reward that means little to me.
Am I doing this wrong? College is always made to look like that place where people find themselves and enjoy scant freedom. I found myself, and it made me realize that I cannot stand college and I feel that it's almost robbing me of my personal life. It's a sad state: cannot stand college/unwilling to make an effort, but would be wasted in doing working-class material. Some in my predicament rise up and tap into personal talents, but I don't feel the drive to do even that. I procrastinate because I don't know how to handle. I ignore because awareness pays just as little to me. I dodge reality for a living. It's more challenging than the standard work week and leaves me just as unfulfilled.