Unfocused and Out of Film

You know how some artists have that one point where they just become maddening and lose most sense with reality, wandering depraved? I feel like that and I am by no means an artist or near that point as of so far in life. Where do people justify their lives? Is everybody else not putting enough thought into the concept or is that just me? I feel that what we are all experiencing is depravity, a sense of despair which is made sustainable through the usage of debt and possession. It's not that I am immune from these things, but more trapped by my former desire of such things, like so many others. If I could, I would have never went to college, gotten those credit cards, went to college (again), overdrafted, and spent every penny I have on an institution that I care nothing about for a reward that means little to me.
Am I doing this wrong? College is always made to look like that place where people find themselves and enjoy scant freedom. I found myself, and it made me realize that I cannot stand college and I feel that it's almost robbing me of my personal life. It's a sad state: cannot stand college/unwilling to make an effort, but would be wasted in doing working-class material. Some in my predicament rise up and tap into personal talents, but I don't feel the drive to do even that. I procrastinate because I don't know how to handle. I ignore because awareness pays just as little to me. I dodge reality for a living. It's more challenging than the standard work week and leaves me just as unfulfilled.

The Same 'Ol

I remember promising two posts back that I would bring all two people that read this blog up-to-date on my current situation. Well, I'm STILL living in my parents' basement after two botched attempts to return to college. I'm debating whether or not I even want to attempt school again. Unfortunately, it's not like I'm really accelerating myself towards a profession here, just the same hum-dum job here with a few extra hours devoted to the liquor store. I really want to become a breakout writer and I just don't feel that college is financially feasible for me, or at least won't be for a few years. Well....... unless I was able to get the right job. I have an interview with H&R Block today to be a tax preparer and if I'm able to get that job and bank, I just may! If so, I know exactly where I'm going to move to.
I am hoping to move to Omaha, NE. There's a very special somebody there waiting for me. VERY special. I hope to settle down and continue writing while helping her raise a daughter. I'm actually quite elated! This is why I sound so desperate: I want to move on. I feel quite worthless here. There are new experiences and adventures out there. There are things that can be filled with fertilizer and detonated in remote areas! Oh yes..... I can feel it now.